Is is just me or is the Daphnis & Chloe excerpt the hardest excerpt ever? It seems like every time I have to prepare it I think to myself…”did I really play this at tempo before??”, because I have, but everytime I have to go back to it I feel like I’m starting over. My fingers just don’t move that fast, especially the first page. My fingers rebel and cramp up after the 2nd or 3rd repetition of the pattern. Grrr…..

I’ve got a pretty good practice routine for the last 2 pages of the excerpt, I just take one 16th note group at a time and play each one at a crazy speed (right now I do it at quarter=180), then I go back and do the whole thing @ 120, then I try it at tempo, but right now 160 is about my limit. I am hoping that I can speed that up closer to 168 this week. Now for the first page, I really don’t know how to practice it, it seems no matter what my technique is for practicing it, it never gets any better or easier.

The only thing that keeps me somewhat going with that excerpt is I think about the first time I ever had to play it in an audition. It was my audition for DePaul university for my masters degree in 2006, and it was seriously terrible. I had slaved over the thing for 3 months and still could barely play it. I think now how much better I can play it and it makes me feel much better, lol!!

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty down lately, I feel like I should be doing more musical jobs….I feel like I have the talent for it, it is just really difficult to make others realize that. Especially teaching, I really wish I had more students. I’m actually wondering if it would be worth it to go back to school and get my teacher license so that I can get a job teaching at a school. Mostly because I’ll probably make more money than I am right now. That’s right, MORE money. I make so little money working as a secretary that a teachers salary looks mighty appetizing. I might actually be able to pay my student loans payments! But I don’t even know where to start. It might be something to consider if Ben and I move, then I could get a job more easily. We will see I suppose.

I have also been toying with the idea of going back to school for my DMA. As much as it pains me to think about going back, it may be a smart move for my career. I’ve been looking at programs, I think I would definitely apply for Rice (although the application is REALLY tough), and UNC (that’s Northern Colorado, not North Carolina) and study with Bil Jackson. But only if it really doesn’t work out for Ben and his DMA, I want to give him a chance to get his degree first. I think that after Ben is done, I definitely will be getting a DMA, unless I have a good performance career going. So many variables!

It looks like no matter what happens with Ben’s DMA applications, we will be moving out of Rochester. The tuba teacher at UNC (now I mean North Carolina – which is where he wants to go, but there aren’t any spots open for next year) has offered to possibly work with Ben for a year until he graduates someone if none of the other programs he applies for works out. That would be the best option for me I think, there seems to be more playing and audition opportunities out here on the East coast. The other option (so far) is LA, which has good opportunities I’m sure, I’m just not really aware of them.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with how difficult this profession is. I have to remember how much I love doing what I do, and that I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because once I get the job, it will be worth all the struggle! At least that’s what people tell me….

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