A rant…sorry

I’m going to warn you now, this post is all about hating my life right now and complaining about it.  There, you were warned.

I don’t know what it is…but I’m starting to get that depressed feeling again like my life is going nowhere.  I know its not, but it certainly feels like it.  I’m stuck in this rut of not knowing about whether or not the medical waiver for the navy will go through, and not knowing how long it will take!!  Still haven’t heard a word about it And people keep asking me about it, which honestly is making it feel worse.  I keep thinking about how wonderful it will be to not be a 9-5er anymore and that I’ll actually have time to put into practicing that I have been wishing I had for over a year.

I am so tired of working all day and only being able to practice at night.  I want to be able to practice first thing in the morning, or in the middle of the day!  I want to be able to have my evenings free to relax and be a normal person.  I can’t do that right now, and I haven’t been able to do that for a year.  Its really starting to wear on me!  I actually haven’t even been practicing lately – I haven’t really seriously practiced for two weeks!  Well I practiced for about an hour and a half last Monday, but I hardly think that it was countable.  But I did decide on a tentative program for a recital, but I’ll save it for another blog post I’m not in the mood right now!

This is how I feel today.

I’m also fed up with being in Rochester and dealing with Ben and I’s conflicting work schedule.  I cannot wait until we are (hopefully) working normalish hours and can spend evenings (or at least dinner) together.  I really miss that.  I cannot wait to move somewhere new!  I know Great Lakes won’t be that fun because its boot camp, but I think living in Virginia Beach for 3 months or more will be neat, even though Ben won’t be there with me 😦 And I cannot forget about the final destination – California!  (well, if they grant me my first choice of assignment that is!) I have always wanted to live there.  Ben will be much happier there too – there are more opportunities for him there.  NO MORE PARKING DEPARTMENT YAY.  The new Katy Perry song is our new theme song, LOL.

Looking forward is really exciting, but it is making me very depressed about my life right now, especially because I don’t know when the new chapter will start.  I’m at the point where if they told me I was shipping out tomorrow I would go without a problem.  I feel like I’m physically ready for BT, and mentally ready to get the hell outta NY!!!

Maybe bowling with the ESM clarinet studio tonight will put me in a better mood (which I was kindly invited to thank you!!!)  Bowling is always a good time.  I just have to be careful not to drink so many beers this time, LOL!

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